Cuisinart Coffee Maker

Here's a question: who owns the rights to this review I just posted over on Amazon?

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An exercise in frustration and time-wasting,

If spending 10-15 minutes fiddling around with pieces of plastic trying to assemble them into the right combination is your idea of fun every morning, then I heartily recommend what Cuisinart has given us here. For the rest of us mere mortals, who arise in a slightly grumpy state and need that first coffee hit in order to get our day started, stay away from this. I have seldom encountered such a poorly designed product.

The fiancee picked this one up and it has become an unmentionable topic between us, guaranteed to spark flare-ups and snappiness in the kitchen. So this secret review will have to suffice instead.

Pros:
- looks nice

Cons:
- what feels like 47 separate little pieces of plastic that all need to washed/assembled/disassembled every time you use this monstrosity. These are: (1) the black plastic basket thing which clips on in a weird way (2) the hanging thingybob that you have to turn around and screw in there (3) the grinder which only seems to disperse about 80% of the ground coffee down into the filter paper and basket waiting below (meaning that every time you have to remove the grinder and bonk it against the side in order to knock the rest in) (4) the clear plastic top of the coffee grinding part so you can look in and think "That's never going to be enough ground coffee, is it?!?"

And you are always right.

It never is.

OK it was only 4 pieces, but their ultimate fiddliness makes it feel like 47.

- Next disadvantage: confusing digital lights and buttons at the front of the machine. When you finally have poured in the water, ground your beans and switched the "on" button, a soothing green digital light appears. You walk away to the bathroom, confident that you will be welcomed on your return by a full pot of steaming coffee. Instead you return from the shower, towelling your still-wet hair to find an empty pot and this constipated machine refusing to release any liquids. ("But it's easy," the fiancee explains. "First you have to switch it off. Then you need the orange light that says 'grinder off' to be on. Then you press the 'on-off' switch again." (and then turn around three times, click your heels together and do a shimmy)) My method has become: press a few buttons, hope for the best and put your head against the machine listening for gurgles inside. (I look like an expectant father these days...albeit a very irritated looking one)

Yes, I am sure that given enough training and instruction, I would be able to assemble these parts like a rifle expert. And decipher the cryptic codes of the digital lights like a morse code radio operator.

But you should not need an advanced degree in mechanics to make a cup of coffee.

I would not consider myself a non-technical person. (I can repair bicycles, fix the miniature screws that fall out of my glasses every 6 months and I can program a little HTML to do web design. I have a degree in business. I solve Su Doku puzzles. I taught myself to play the fiddle. I am kind to children)

But life is just too short and precious to waste messing on this. Do yourself a favour when you choose your coffee machine, keep it simple. Avoid this train wreck from Cuisinart!